Friday, November 24, 2006
Labyrinth of Uncertainty
So, my life has been a roller coaster of emotions and I have come to a place of puzzled confussion, and also a place of constant question and wonder. I feel like my life is full of change and unknowns and God is always doing something wacky with my emotions and my plans. Everything seems to be changing; my friends, my social life, my family, my schooling, my daily routines, my passtimes, my relationships and my spiritual life. Everything seems like a mess and I'm lost in the labyrinth of uncertainty. I feel like Sarah, trying to rescue Toby from King Jareth. She has to go through all of these trials and I feel almost like I'm in the falling pit with all of the "helping hands." They are all talking to her and giving her "advise" and pulling at her, being really creepy in general. But I just feel like I have all of these questions, all of these opinions, all of these "helping hands" in my head that are constantly plaguing me. I don't feel sure of much and I dont trust alot of what is going on in there. I don't know how to get to the end of the maze and come to my final destination. At the same time, I havn't found the path that leads me there. I do have some amazing friends that are helping me through it all, but it just doesn't make sense. Why are things happening the way they are, and why do I have to go through this? I wish I could just skip this part, and get to the final ball. But, I guessI need to be able to face my fears, go through the tunnels, face the monsters, meet some new friends, and defeat the spell of King Jareth. I need to be able to free the little child, but it is just a question of how?
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Cafe is Cancelled! Choir is ON!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
He Can Make You Laugh, He Can Make You Cry
After cleaning my shoes feverishly, I talked to my dearest mother, who has great organizational skills, but helped me realize some devistating news. Finally after galavanting for the past two years, I was finally home for a production put on by the Side Door Cafe! I have been in multiple other comedies in the past, but due to my lack of presence the past couple of years, I have not been in any lately. This years performance is again a comedy called "The Nitpicker Suite, " written and directed by Martin Smith. I was so incredibly excited and after two months of practising, my anticipation for the performance was rising! I also had a main role, and so that was twice as exciting. But, much to my dismay, today it came to my attention that my choir with university, is putting on their first perfomance on the exact same day as The Nitpicker Suite, at the exact same time! I would skip my choir performance in a heart beat, compared to this comedy, but not when participation is worth 50% of my final grade for the course! I couldn't believe it. He made me cry.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
I Miss You My Sweet Sister
I miss you to just joke around with
.....bicker with
.....poke at
.....and be poked
.....giggle with
.....cry on
.....and having a sister who is right by my side.
I miss the fragrance of vanilla.....that is you steal from my room
I miss the dangle of your earings.
I miss the sweetness of your smile and the comfort of your hug.
I miss the bubbles of your laugh that pop on me and send tingles to my mouth that burst in joy
I miss your ups and downs; your highs and lows; the unpredictability of being you.
I miss the warmth of your presence and the beat of your life
I miss my sweet sister, my friend in a distant prarie.
Take care of her new fellow, and be her knight in shining armour.
Take care of her new fellow, and be her shoulder to cry on and the arms to embrass her.
Take care of her new fellow, and let the corners or your mouth move upwards when you are near her.
Take care of her new fellow and bring her home to me once more
I love you my sweet sister and am waiting in anticipation to see the beauty of your being.
Friday, October 27, 2006
July
July, (Mundy: 24 Star Hotel)
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Uruguay again?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Intimacy with my thoughts
I have seen you cry and wonder and have caught your every tear.
I have held your hand through rage and anger, and brought hope to take your fear.
I have been there when the memories seem to turn to ashes,
I have been there to pick up the pieces.
I have held them in a place of healing and shown you the rays of sunshine.
I have been there in the lonely nights, when tears are your only comfort,
I have been there in the silence and heard you gasp in expectation.
I have been there on the long walks, and in the thoughts that plague your mind.
I have been there through the dreams and visions that seem like poison in the night.
I have been there through the agony, frustration and dispare,
I have held you in my arms so close and have whispered, "Do not fear."
This is my promise to you my girl, and to my every child.
I am your father and your king, the one that holds the world.
Listen to my constant breathe; find intimacy with my thoughts.
Rest in my presence and find peace for your wondering mind and heart.
You are my child and I love you more than you will ever know.
Come into my arms my Ivory girl. Come into my warm embrace
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I Hate this Adventure
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Yet another Adventure
I am now entering into a new adventure, one that is unlike the previous. The other day, I was talking to Maria about how I sometimes wish that I had decided to go away for school, or that I wish I was going away again. I was expressing how sometimes I wish I could just go away, and leave all the responsibilities and committments I have and just start fresh. She challenged me to pretend that I was going away and to pretend that I was starting over again in a new place. Well, to make a long story, abit shorter, I have decided to take her up on her challenge. I have decided to take start over and recharge this battery that has been over used. I am moving away, (in a sense) and am taking a step back from all responsibilities, (youth, YFC, etc.) and committments. This has been a very hard decision to make, but reflecting back on the summer, the past couple of weeks, and looking into the future, it has been made clear that I need to take some time for me and take some time to refill this cup that is bone dry.
It is an adventure. Everything can be an adventure. It is an adventure trying to figure out what to do with free time; how do I handle a schedule that has every evening open? How do occupy my time? If you know me at all, you are probably thinking, "Suzanne, you have no problem filling up your time, and you are going to have every night full within a week. In no time you will have things to do, and will feel like you don't have any free time." This is all true, but I am committing to not committing to anything for awhile. I'm just going to enjoy life, and take things as they come. I am going to try to live the first part of my moto to the fullest: Live SPAFE: SPONTANEOUS yet safe.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
My Life After Outta Town
If I was to think of an analogy to compare this past year to, it could be compared to tobogganing. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to go tobogganing this year due to the lack of winter that I experienced, but recalling back to previous years, the memory still remains. Tobogganing is a blast and tons of fun, but at the same time a lot of work. You come to the hill that is coated with beautiful white snow, and you are all equipped for the hours of fun that you will have on that hill. You then bolt it up the hill to the top and then enjoy the ten seconds that it takes to zip over the white crest and slide to your stop at the bottom. It was almost as fantastic as a roller coaster and you are all smiles saying, “AGAIN, AGAIN!!!” You then climb back up the hill and do it again and again, but each time, the hill seems to get bigger and the flight down gets shorter. It is a lot of work, but still a lot of fun.
For me, this is very similar to my year. Outta Town was like the descent down the snow, and was a ton of fun. Coming back home was very hard to readjust, and it took a lot out of me. My true friends became obvious and reconnecting to people was very difficult. It was a very painful process trying to find purpose again and trying to find my place at home. Then God blessed me with an amazing opportunity to work for Youth For Christ for the summer. That again was like screaming on your crazy carpet. It was fantastic! I had an amazing time getting to know the kids at the center, and God gave me great satisfaction and peace throughout the summer. To end it off, my fabulous man came to visit me at the end of summer and that was marvelous!
Then once Karl left, I had to start that climb back up the dreaded mountain. Long distance with Karl became very difficult and I hit reality pretty hard! But I came to the top again and had an exquisite road trip with my darling friend Kate. We traveled across Canada for 45 days and saw God’s splendor and it was wonderful. It did go quick though and I came to the bottom of the hill again and found the dry and boring home life was back again.
I got a job working at a candle factory and it was a struggle to find satisfaction in the monotony of life. Karl came after the Christmas break and this was a testing time for our relationship. After he went back home, we went through a lot of sorting, searching and figuring. It was very, very hard and it really drained both of us and left me quite dry and exhausted. It was a struggle, but thankfully through much prayer and perseverance, God brought us through and brought me to the top of the hill.
I then cruised down the hill again and went to Uruguay, South America for a month. This was a fabulous time, but it had many of it’s own tobogganing hills, where I had many opportunities to grow, learn, be challenged and be humbled. It was a trip I’ll never forget and a time of powerful growth.
I am now at the bottom of the slope again, and am anticipating an absolutely fantastic summer ahead of me! I am turning 20 (my dream age), my dear friends who have lived in Japan for the past two years are coming home and living in my basement for the summer, and Karlos Amigos is coming to Ontario for the summer! I will hopefully get a basic student summer job that will pay for my great summer and the great year ahead of me.
In the fall, I will be going to Brock University for Child and Youth Studies. I’m not quite sure what I am going to do with that, but it will be great and I am very excited for it.
I'm sure the rest of life will be filled with tobogganing hills, mountains, slopes, and valleys. I'm excited for what God has planned and I know that the whole time, he is going to be on the back of my sled with me, enjoying, struggling and living this crazy life with me. It's going to be great!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Thought I would share this with you
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Well, we had to do our traditional visit to Toronto to visit our great friend Ben! It was so great and when the two of them get together, things get crazy. I don't know why, but they can spin off each other like crazy, with monkey noises, you name it! It's absolutely fantastic and we have a blast. Ben, you're the best!