Broken Vision

So, a few weekends ago I was at a BCF retreat. It was fabulously awesome and a ton of fun. While I was there, God did some pretty cool things, one of which was touching me powerfully and manifesting huge in my physical body. It was pretty crazy and it happened so unexpectedly. My darling friend Ruth was praying for me in the kitchen of the place we were staying, and all of the sudden I start to shake like a leaf and couldn't stop shaking! God totally took over me and for about an hour I was totally filled with the Holy Spirit. He gave me visions, prophesies and just took a hold of me, mind, body and spirit. This used to be a regular occurrence in my life, but for the past six or so years I hadn't experienced anything like this and unconsciously I was starting to doubt if He still moved in that way. A lens of doubt, shall we say, came over my eyes and heart and I started to doubt my experiences in the past and if they were actually legitimate. But that night it was as though I was catapulted into my past and God met me in the same way as He did back then. It was so refreshing and God showed me how He still can move in me like He did back then and He is still alive and well. He showed me that with Him I can be satisfied and that He is the one that I need to turn to for life, energy and joy! It was marvellous and really humbling.
At the end of it all, I went to get my glasses that I had taken off prior to the experience and when I went to pick them up, low and behold they were snapped in half! I don't know exactly how this happened but with all the movin' and shakin' I'm not surprised. It is a symbol of what God did for me that night. He took my lens of doubt that had been covering my eyes and broke them in half. I walked around blind for the next week but God showed Himself to me in a way that needed no glasses, but just a vision of Him.

Frozen In Time

 

The Chapter is Closed and the Book is Finished!

As you probably are aware, I am not a reader. I have never been a reader, and if I start to become a reader, it will be a miracle. BUT, I have read a book or two in my life and do know the relief of finishing it (maybe an emotion that some of you avid readers can't relate to). I also know the feeling of reading an aweful book, one that seems to drag on and on and never come to an end. When you are finally finished it, you are more than happy to slam the book closed, never open it agian, and maybe even give it away. For me this is abit of a picture of the past four to five months. They have been the hardest months of my life and I have been in a state of constant sadness, depression, confusion and just overwhelming emotions that were usually not enjoyable or comfortable. This may have not been visible to everyone, (don't judge a book by its cover) but I was dealing with the realities of singleness, giving up dreams and hopes for the future, trying to figure out how to continue on a journey I didn't want to be on and learning more about who I was, and where my identity lied. It was a difficult labyrinth to maze through, and I was sure that it would take me years to reach the end. BUT, thank God, He wrote the plot.

At URBANA (a massive mission's conference with 22, 000 people), on the very last night, New Years Eve, God showed me that the chapter of sadness and mourning was over and I didn't have to open the book again. I could say goodbye to the past with assurance that it never needed to be reopened again. I didn't have to wonder, "Who did what;What about this; Where was I; When did this happen; Why was I not aware of this!?" The questions became irrelavent to the plot and though it wasn't until the last chapter that things could be cleared up, the giberish became a language I could understand and the confussion was pushed aside! God gave me hope for a new year and called it the "Year of Promise!" I said goodbye to the book that I had settled in and handed it over to God to put on His bookshelf. God lifted a burden off my back and I sighed, (accompanied with many tears) a deep breathe of relief. I have no idea what this new book is going to be about but this one thing is fore sure, God has given me new joy and new hope to begin reading it. I embrace the future instead of shun it, and maybe this will be the start the miracle...could I too become an avid reader?...maybe just the ones God writes ;)

Labyrinth of Uncertainty

So, my life has been a roller coaster of emotions and I have come to a place of puzzled confussion, and also a place of constant question and wonder. I feel like my life is full of change and unknowns and God is always doing something wacky with my emotions and my plans. Everything seems to be changing; my friends, my social life, my family, my schooling, my daily routines, my passtimes, my relationships and my spiritual life. Everything seems like a mess and I'm lost in the labyrinth of uncertainty. I feel like Sarah, trying to rescue Toby from King Jareth. She has to go through all of these trials and I feel almost like I'm in the falling pit with all of the "helping hands." They are all talking to her and giving her "advise" and pulling at her, being really creepy in general. But I just feel like I have all of these questions, all of these opinions, all of these "helping hands" in my head that are constantly plaguing me. I don't feel sure of much and I dont trust alot of what is going on in there. I don't know how to get to the end of the maze and come to my final destination. At the same time, I havn't found the path that leads me there. I do have some amazing friends that are helping me through it all, but it just doesn't make sense. Why are things happening the way they are, and why do I have to go through this? I wish I could just skip this part, and get to the final ball. But, I guessI need to be able to face my fears, go through the tunnels, face the monsters, meet some new friends, and defeat the spell of King Jareth. I need to be able to free the little child, but it is just a question of how?

Cafe is Cancelled! Choir is ON!

Thanks to my mothers great suggestions, I am informing you all that the cafe is actually cancelled. In my last post I had mentioned the cafe that was happening at my church and I was so incredibly distrot that I couldn't perform in the upcoming play. Well, I guess God had different plans and the cafe is cancelled which means I'm missing out on anything! Yippy!!! It is sad that it's not happening, but such is life. So, if any of you were planning on coming, don't come because nothing will be happening! If you want though, you can come to my concert at Concordia Seminary, located on the Brock Campus. It will be happening on December the 1st at I believe 7:30! It should be good, so you may want to come and enjoy a night of classical music performed by a women's chorus! (Get tickets at the Brock box office. $10)

He Can Make You Laugh, He Can Make You Cry

So, today, on my way home from school, I decided to make a detour and spend some time with God. There is a board walk close to my house that God and I like to go. I was really really stressed about some things happening in my life, and was having some good talks with God about it. As I was about to leave, I realized that the water level was really low, and saw someones footsteps in the ground, where there usually would be water. I realized that if I could walk "on the water" it would be a short cut home, so I (without thinking clearly) decided that I would have an adventure!!! I decided to climb down the embankment to the water level and have a chance to walk, where no man had ever walked before! On the sea floor! I started to walk and it was abit smooshy. I kept walking and walking, and it was getting smooshier and smooshier. (Remember, that it has been raining non-stop for that past month and so the ground is abit, lets say...moist.) I came to a place, that was visibly quite water logged, and thought, "maybe if I just run really fast, I can get to the other side." Well, my running fast was quickly running slow, when my feet were sinking deeper and deeper, and it was getting harder and harder to pull my feet out of this magical sea floor. I looked down for a split second and realized that I was now "running" with mud up to my mid calf and my shoes were completely covered and immersed in mud! At that moment I realized that this wasn't a good idea, and that the fact that I could barely get my foot, never mind my shoe out of the mud, was a true sign to change plans. I slowly made my way to the embankment and scrambled up the side, now with a heavier step. The embankment led me to the bush, and with abit of stealthy maneuvering I made it to the path, but could no longer see my shoe, or even if I was wearing shoes. My feet were one massive blob of mud, that when shaken, spayed mud everywhere, like that of a wet dog. Throughout the walk home, alot of mud fell off, and with some extreme water treatment, I was able to remove the visible mud, but who knows if my shoes will be permanently mud stained. He made me laugh!
After cleaning my shoes feverishly, I talked to my dearest mother, who has great organizational skills, but helped me realize some devistating news. Finally after galavanting for the past two years, I was finally home for a production put on by the Side Door Cafe! I have been in multiple other comedies in the past, but due to my lack of presence the past couple of years, I have not been in any lately. This years performance is again a comedy called "The Nitpicker Suite, " written and directed by Martin Smith. I was so incredibly excited and after two months of practising, my anticipation for the performance was rising! I also had a main role, and so that was twice as exciting. But, much to my dismay, today it came to my attention that my choir with university, is putting on their first perfomance on the exact same day as The Nitpicker Suite, at the exact same time! I would skip my choir performance in a heart beat, compared to this comedy, but not when participation is worth 50% of my final grade for the course! I couldn't believe it. He made me cry.

I Miss You My Sweet Sister

I miss you being around
I miss you to just joke around with
.....bicker with
.....poke at
.....and be poked
.....giggle with
.....cry on
.....and having a sister who is right by my side.

I miss the fragrance of vanilla.....that is you steal from my room
I miss the dangle of your earings.
I miss the sweetness of your smile and the comfort of your hug.
I miss the bubbles of your laugh that pop on me and send tingles to my mouth that burst in joy
I miss your ups and downs; your highs and lows; the unpredictability of being you.
I miss the warmth of your presence and the beat of your life
I miss my sweet sister, my friend in a distant prarie.

Take care of her new fellow, and be her knight in shining armour.
Take care of her new fellow, and be her shoulder to cry on and the arms to embrass her.
Take care of her new fellow, and let the corners or your mouth move upwards when you are near her.
Take care of her new fellow and bring her home to me once more

I love you my sweet sister and am waiting in anticipation to see the beauty of your being.

July

Well, I have been introduced to some new sweet music, by a new friend of mine. I thought I would share one song with you. I'm not quite sure what this song is about, but it reminds me of my favorite movie, I am Sam. The easyness of the song and just the tune. It is great. I thought the imagery is fabulous too. I hope you enjoy it. It is called July.
July, (Mundy: 24 Star Hotel)