Frozen In Time

 

The Chapter is Closed and the Book is Finished!

As you probably are aware, I am not a reader. I have never been a reader, and if I start to become a reader, it will be a miracle. BUT, I have read a book or two in my life and do know the relief of finishing it (maybe an emotion that some of you avid readers can't relate to). I also know the feeling of reading an aweful book, one that seems to drag on and on and never come to an end. When you are finally finished it, you are more than happy to slam the book closed, never open it agian, and maybe even give it away. For me this is abit of a picture of the past four to five months. They have been the hardest months of my life and I have been in a state of constant sadness, depression, confusion and just overwhelming emotions that were usually not enjoyable or comfortable. This may have not been visible to everyone, (don't judge a book by its cover) but I was dealing with the realities of singleness, giving up dreams and hopes for the future, trying to figure out how to continue on a journey I didn't want to be on and learning more about who I was, and where my identity lied. It was a difficult labyrinth to maze through, and I was sure that it would take me years to reach the end. BUT, thank God, He wrote the plot.

At URBANA (a massive mission's conference with 22, 000 people), on the very last night, New Years Eve, God showed me that the chapter of sadness and mourning was over and I didn't have to open the book again. I could say goodbye to the past with assurance that it never needed to be reopened again. I didn't have to wonder, "Who did what;What about this; Where was I; When did this happen; Why was I not aware of this!?" The questions became irrelavent to the plot and though it wasn't until the last chapter that things could be cleared up, the giberish became a language I could understand and the confussion was pushed aside! God gave me hope for a new year and called it the "Year of Promise!" I said goodbye to the book that I had settled in and handed it over to God to put on His bookshelf. God lifted a burden off my back and I sighed, (accompanied with many tears) a deep breathe of relief. I have no idea what this new book is going to be about but this one thing is fore sure, God has given me new joy and new hope to begin reading it. I embrace the future instead of shun it, and maybe this will be the start the miracle...could I too become an avid reader?...maybe just the ones God writes ;)